Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
