the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
