please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
