Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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