i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
