angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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