i think i have two assholes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
