Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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