I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
