It's Friday. Sex?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
