I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
