'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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