I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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