i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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