Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize