I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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