Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
