im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
