i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
