oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
