I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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