I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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