I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
