my soul wont recognize me after tonight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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