forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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