Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
