Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
