You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
