Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
