The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
