my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
