very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
