I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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