My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
