you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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