I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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