that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
