Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
