I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
