I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
how drunk are you?
Several
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
