guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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