i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
