I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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