How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
