Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
