come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
