I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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