I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
