I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
