Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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