If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
