6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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