This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize