he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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