So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize