no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am naked and annoyed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
