It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize