the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
