your thong is hanging out like whoa
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize