i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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