I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
