Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
