I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
