just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
