Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize