Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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