I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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