I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Im part way to drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize